SCOTT SIMON, HOST:
Younger Americans are having sex less often, and the relationships they do have are being warped by big changes in technology.
CARTER SHERMAN: Honestly, a lot of the young people I talked to were pretty concerned about what the internet had done to their lives.
SIMON: Journalist Carter Sherman interviewed more than a hundred young adults and teens about their sex lives for her new book "The Second Coming: Sex And The Next Generation's Fight Over Its Future." NPR political correspondent Sarah McCammon spoke with Sherman and some of the young adults featured in her book. And before we begin this report, a warning - this next story includes frank talk about sex and sexual activity.
SARAH MCCAMMON, BYLINE: The internet can be a great research tool, especially when you're a teenager with questions you'd rather not ask your parents.
UNIDENTIFIED STUDENT: Basically, the internet was my sex education. And I'm lucky that at least I was resourceful enough to find credible sources, but there are so many other people where their only sex ed is basically just porn, and that is terrifying to me.
MCCAMMON: That's the voice of a college student from Massachusetts. She's asked us not to use her name because she worries that discussing personal details about her sex life could negatively affect her career. The student says she sought treatment for a condition called vaginismus, which can make sexual penetration painful or impossible. And she says some of the pornography she saw as a teenager made her fearful.
UNIDENTIFIED STUDENT: It kind of scared me. It just didn't look pleasant. I think the power dynamics around it kind of freaked me out.
MCCAMMON: Journalist Carter Sherman says many of the young people she spoke with for her new book - like that college student - said that dating apps and online porn made them feel less valued in their relationships and negatively shaped their sexual development.
SHERMAN: This was something that really surprised me, honestly, that young people were so concerned about porn, even young people on the left.
MCCAMMON: Some told Sherman that porn had blurred the distinction between more typical vanilla sex and rough sex, like hitting or choking.
SHERMAN: They felt that they were just expected to do that, even if this was something that they were not personally all that interested in. And, moreover, they were expected to do this in such a way that they were oftentimes not asked for consent.
MCCAMMON: For Davante Jennings (ph), who's now 28, growing up with the internet meant finding out that sex in the real world was a lot different than it looked online.
DAVANTE JENNINGS: People's bodies are people's bodies. Everyone isn't, you know, perfectly sculpted out, or sexual experiences are a little bit more awkward starting out, compared to maybe what you see online.
MCCAMMON: And he added, unlike what might be depicted in porn, foreplay tends to be important.
JENNINGS: They're letting you know, no, I don't like that. You start to learn, like, OK, everyone likes different things. No one person is the same.
MCCAMMON: Jennings is now married and living in Atlanta, but he says there were some uncomfortable lessons to be learned along the way.
JENNINGS: What you see them do in porn is not - 8 times out of 10 not going to fly in the real world. So I think it was just a lot of trial and error. Like, the best teacher is life. So I had to go learn.
MCCAMMON: Several studies in recent years, by organizations with a range of political leanings, have found that younger Americans are having less sex and a growing number aren't having sex at all.
Debby Herbenick, a professor at the Indiana University School of Public Health, researches the impact of the internet on young people's relationships. She says part of the problem is the introduction of more violent sexual images at younger ages.
DEBBY HERBENICK: So they're getting the message that sex is harmful and rough. And so some portion - not all - some portion say, this stuff feels awful to me. I don't want to do it.
MCCAMMON: Carter Sherman points to one young woman she interviewed who said she was interested in sex, but worried that the men she might meet in real life would reflect the misogyny she'd seen in some online communities.
SHERMAN: That, frankly, was really saddening to me because it felt like she had to close off a part of her life - a part of potential exploration - out of fear.
MCCAMMON: But Sherman, who covers reproductive health and justice for The Guardian, says the internet and social media have been helpful for some young people's romantic lives, especially those who might otherwise struggle to find a community.
SHERMAN: I do think for young LGBTQ+ people, the internet has been revolutionary in making them feel accepted and wanted and like there are other people out there like them.
MCCAMMON: As for the college student who struggled with feeling comfortable with sex after seeing graphic images online, she says she's worked through that with the help of a supportive partner.
UNIDENTIFIED STUDENT: Part of that really is because I love my boyfriend, and he just did make me feel that comfortable. So I think part of it - I mean, not to sound cheesy, but is - when you're with the right person, it gets easier.
MCCAMMON: Not cheesy at all. And safe to say, true for many people across generations.
Sarah McCammon, NPR News.
SIMON: Carter Sherman's new book, "The Second Coming: Sex And The Next Generation's Fight Over Its Future," is out now. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by an NPR contractor. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.
