Reflection

#104

Reflection

Life is surely a tricky thing. We Jive in a world, where some people are afaid to walk out into the streets. In a world, where people put on two different faces to get ahead. One is learned behavior expanding from observing one's family, friends, and the environment. The other is inborn; naturally produce identity. Many people arc trying to get notice within this society. But, we tend to lose ourselves, throughout all the chaos. Knowing yourself could separate you fom any other person in this world. It's up to you to determine when to overcome obstacles, and finish the race.

Growing up, my desire to be notice within this society was expanding. I wanted many people to know my name, and see that I'm here, regardless the age. The funny thing is that, I've once was like that. I had a "character for many situations". For example, at home, I would be outgoing, and have a tomboy character. At church, school, and other social events, I would be calm, and collective (I should had became an actress with them 24/7 acting skills). If you were in my shoes, you would began to feel trapped in. I spent years pretending to be happy, and putting the biggest smile on my face day-to-day. The real me felt caged in waiting for help. No, I wasn't going to chase it, for it should have caught me. I began to feel like a puppet playing by everyone's cards. As soon as someone would give me an order, I'll seem to immediately do it. wanted to please people, and be the "teacher's pet". I hid behind a mask because I never gave anyone the chance to get to know me. Opening up to people was not natural for me. I thought that no one cared about me, for I've lost myself. I didn't feel the need to express my feeling to anyone because they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't be able to feel the way I feel, and express in the same way. So, all these emotions and thoughts built up over the course of the years, and l 've still kept it to myself. In eighth grade, I remember coming home from school, crying in my room because I felt alone. Luckily, no one was home, or they would have ask questions. I even cry myself to sleep that same night, and still manage to get up the next day, and smile. That brown-skin, pimple face mask blended in with me very well. This desire comes from me wanting to blend in with others.

I wanted to become one of the "beauties" in society, which everyone adores. As you see today, many people began to look alike! They want this "Barbie doll" image, and the popularity that tags along. For I have lost myself, wanting to look, to be, and to feel like someone else. Throughout my high school years, I started to realize that I have to get to know myself. Take a minute, and really find out who I am, before I let others in. I would like to thank my cross country/track-and-field coach, Coach Preister, alongside the team for helping me come out of my comfort zone. l remember the day that l would come to practice, and not talk to no one. I just did whatever she to me to do. Oh run, ok! Like team umizoomi l was out. She would also write inspirational messages on my results papers, which I enjoy so much! " , when you are feeling it, or when your mind is on it, you do great! You don't talk to me much, but I'm proud of you! Although, I have no clue what you be thinking, you're amazing! Keep surprising me!" She let me know that she was here for me, and willing to listen. These words of encouragement, made me let down my guard. My track family, alongside my coach, broke me down, and reveal to me who I was. I began to learn communication and leadership skills. I began to build confidence within myself, and reach out for help. They pushed me to do more, and open up to others. Also, when I run, I forget about everything that bothers me. I block off everything, until I get back on that bus home (ifl'm still that concerned about it). I wasn't lost within myself anymore. I realized that I need to "want it", as my coach would say. I need to strive for my desired accomplishments, and goals. There's no time for me to keep holding back!

As I look back on my shy days, I see a lonely, young educated girl, who wanted to feel comfo1iable in her own skin. I had many insecurities, and flaws (as many people do), that I could overlook. I noticed that those little things, created a big difference within myself. I needed to show myself, and others the real me. Today, I am currently, more determined, and self-motivated that before. I believe that I could finish high school with confidence, and attend a four year university. I plan to go to Max M. Fisher College of Business, at The Ohio State University. I would like to earn a Bachelor's degree in Business Management. I would like to find internships, and/or shadowing days that I could get an insight on this field-of-interest. One day, I would like to open, and run my own business of equally. I had once thought that I was the only one who felt like this. I want to inform others, that there are other people out here who have a similar and/or the same situation as them. I want them to realize to themselves, that they are unique, and wonderful in their own way. People need to know that you don't have to pretend to be like someone, to get notice, or feel important. All you have to do is stay on track, and you will eventually succeed.

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