In sports, aggression and force are often key to intimidating rivals and winning games. But off the field, such actions can endanger relationships and lives. Tyrone White is a motivational speaker and coach. He says he’s worked to push a sounder alternative for couples when it comes to personal disputes.
“We have to recognize the fact that young men and boys are stronger than women," says White. "And we have to exercise different coping strategies other than physicality. There’s no justification for that. They can just walk away, and that’s what we promote.”
In the aftermath of the elevator incident, Ray Rice told fans that he’d “get through this”. His wife, Janay, apologized for her role in the dispute too…developments some say is an attempt to cast Rice himself as the victim, rather than the perpetrator.
Linda Johanek is CEO of the Domestic Violence and Child Advocacy Center. She says many abusers she observed in offender treatment programs were quick to deflect blame back on the victim.
“They would sit there and say, “Well, if she didn’t come home late, if she didn’t get the dinner on in time, if she didn’t keep the kids in more quiet, then I wouldn’t have had to hit," recalls Johanek. "So it’s a very high level of denial, and it’s very much blaming everyone else because then you don’t have to look at yourself.”
Johanek adds the majority of abusers themselves grew up in a home where domestic violence occurred.