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Skinny Tubes of Fat

So you want to know how much fat is in your greasy-delicious Five Guys cheeseburger? A piece of steak? Need a visual representation to drive the point home? Well forget the entrees. This little set of tubes shows you how much fat is in your appetizers!!!

That’s right. Your chicken Caesar salad, fried clams, supreme nachos, Arby’s jalapeño bites, cheese fries, stuffed potato skins, mozzarella sticks, buffalo wings and more…. This little set of tubes is a visual aid from the Young People’s Healthy Heart Program, and what will kill you is the portion sizes. 4 mozzarella sticks, or 3 buffalo wings and 1 tablespoon of blue cheese dressing fills an entire tube of fat. Eat a dozen wings and you’ve got four tubes of fat coursing through your veins. Gross.

In Wally Lamb’s book, She’s Come Undone, the protagonist is an overweight teenager who eventually loses weight by imagining all her food has mold growing on it. I thought that strategy was pretty ingenious. I mean, I don’t know how many times I have pulled some leftovers out of the fridge, and even though they were probably perfectly good, I imagined that maybe they had been in there a little too long and just the idea of spoiled food made it impossible to eat them.

Now if mold doesn’t work for you, I invite you to sit at the table and imagine your buffalo wings are covered in giant slabs of lard. Mmmmm. Doesn’t that just sound delicious? It’s like eating Crisco with a spoon.

I’m sorry if I have ruined all that scrumptious bar food for you. You can thank me later.